I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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