How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
