I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Say something about gay babies.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize