is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
