I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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