2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
