he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
