when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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