dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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