She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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