if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
