I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Randomize
