dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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