I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
