hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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