And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
