you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
