A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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