forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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