if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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