I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
