You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i out mim tonsoeep
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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