Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
