Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
