i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
