He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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