There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
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So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
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I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
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