Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
