Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
