guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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