he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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