I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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