i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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