you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
