My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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