i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
