making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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