I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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