The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
