i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
