i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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