I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
