i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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