Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
