I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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