He uses pillows to masturbate.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
