I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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