We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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