I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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