I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
