i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
