I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
