i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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