I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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