i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
