You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
