do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Are my feet made of real feet?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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