I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Alive.
So much puke
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
