I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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