epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
