i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
