i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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