He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
