why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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