Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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