My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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