kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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