dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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