I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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