I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
