I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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