i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
