I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
