A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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